What I've Been Missing

Here are pictures of all the girls I've exchanged bodily fluids with since Sarah Marshall did me the biggest favor of my life and walked out the door:





And for any dudes thinking about hitting it with Sarah Marshall...SHE USES HER TEETH.

Being 27 dating is so much different then when I was 22. You don't have to date for a month of necking and walking hand in hand. You get hand jobs immediately. I talked to this chick for like fifteen minutes and I got a f-ing bj on my scooter. I know it's gross to talk like this but it's also kind of amazing. I don't miss being in relationship at all. A BJ on my scooter! That might not be spiritually fulfilling... but f*** spiritually fulfilling. BJ ON MY SCOOTER, BITCH!!!

Ok, I do miss being in a relationship!